He doesnt love her
Of that im sure
That ring he put on her finger
A travesty, a lie
Rebound love, rebound girl
Of this i can be sure
Almost two years of marriage
With the whole world watching
And all i can think
Is how miserable he must be
To have married the wrong girl
To have not married me
I have a strange fascination with the song “Fast Car” originally sung by Tracy Chapman, but i have since found other renditions of the song, and some of them are really wonderful. Im wondering if my love of this song (i play it on repeat for hours) is due to the fact that they’re talking of escaping? Not sure what it is about this song that speaks to me, but i really do love it.
Ive been thinking of my options, and i am finally graduating from university so im thinking of all the possible things i can do with my life now, and well a double major in English and History isnt the most useful degree to have in the “real world” but ive been researching (google-ing) some different career options.
So far, ive got publishing, i love reading, and editing and i would love to be an editors assistant working in a publishing firm, ive heard that most offices are in New York, and i would def. consider moving to New York to do publishing. I also am thinking of teaching overseas, i have a friend who is just coming back from teaching in Korea, so im going to get as much information on that as possible. The other option is teachers college. But im not so sure about this path right now, and deadline to apply is end of sept, and thats fast approaching.
We’ll see what happens.
So, the last time i was here i was super depressed and wrote some rather unhappy things, i deleted those posts, and went back to the original postings of poems. I have since decided that i will restart this blog again, but maybe give it a rebirth into something new? Not sure yet, also toying with the idea of deleting all of the posts and starting from scratch, but not sure if i want to do that because some of the writing on here is only here, and i dont want to lose it.
So we will see.
Whatever i decide, im back.
Fourth and final year at University, i cant wait.
I am alone, alone and alive
taking a road i was told a long time agi
a road thats not traveled as far as ive gone
not matter how lost or afraid i may feek
i still travel forward reciting by ear
those few fateful words of a long time ago
i stumbled along and few did i cry
and i remembered those words
full of wisdom and pride
never did i challenge, for it was mine to discover
the road that i traveled was not made for me
here bears no crossroads
no turning back
just reciting those words of a long time ago
of a destiny chosen for my eyes alone
one i would have never picked on my own
but still never questioned the path that i see
and i still walk on further to
whatever greets or condemns me
i am alone and alive
but no matter what happens
or whats left unsaid
theres no going back
theres no choice ahead
and so i am bound
to move steadily forward
reciting by ear those words that you told me
those few fateful words
of a long time ago
with a path that was given to me to accept
when everyone stood still
i ended up pushed to the road im on now
which i believed full of wisdom
and joy and of hope but i ended up alone and alive
stuck in your long time ago
epic bullshitting is apparently contagious
anyone can have wings its those that jump that learn how to soar
life has a way of throwing you curve balls just when your right in the middle of enjoying the moment
pity the fool who thinks ignorance is bliss but never pity the fool who is a willing participant
i want to write something, something great, i mean i would start out with a short story and then branch out from there, but i keep convincing myself that i just dont have the time to write, i really should stop doing that.
I want to write a story, i have these ideas and i think they could be great if i could actually make the time to sit down and organize my thoughts and get them all down, i have to stop telling myself that i can do it later.
Gah.
Her name is Sandy Whisper
shes honest and shes true
theres no other girl quite like her
im pretty sure thats true
i dont know much about her
but she likes to call me john
and she’ll be saying my name
long after im gone
her name whispered in my ear
the first time that we met
shes one hard working girl
taking anything she gets
id like to take her home with me
be assured i never do
shes been in my life a while now
im sure shes in others too
i cant say that i love her
but many others claim that they do
she may have lied about her name
now its all she responds to
her name is Sandy Whisper
and she sells for seven bucks an hour
and that allows me all the power
and thats all i care to know
~carnessie
why do you weep?
the hard plains leading up to the sway
two parallel nubs higher up
are you withdrawing from this scene
do you wish to trade mountains
for another set of plains instead?
you’re losing your selfhood here
maybe you need more take and take
and less of what i can give
but you know not how to ask
do not ask
retreat from this reality, i implore you
do not satisfy yourself with what people tell you
they do not know what it is you should seek
go into the reality that only you create
i would rather you stand tall
than weep with me
find that which makes you swell
even if that be, someone not like me
i release you
so that you can find your release
come and go freely
~carnessie
